My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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