dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
