Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
