My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
