Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
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