I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
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Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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