I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
