First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
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