I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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