i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
you told grandpa to call you daddy
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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