then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
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There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
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What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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