Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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