he wants to bone in the snuggie
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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