Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
