also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
