Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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