She went from zero to smokin in five shots
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
