i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
