I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
