just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
