Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
