So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
