8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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