I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.