Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.