Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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