Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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