Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
