So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
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Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
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In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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