Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
where am i from again
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
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And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.