Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder