It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
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when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
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Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.