Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.