At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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