I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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