need another drink. this is the easiest way
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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