If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
no you cant smoke seaweed
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
