i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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