so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize