Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
