so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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