I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
