I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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