It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
