So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
