I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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