eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
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I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
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Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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