Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
yeah, it was that bad.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
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It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
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but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe