my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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