i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.