Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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