is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm at about main and main street
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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