I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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