guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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