No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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