I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
