So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
