I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
