well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
