god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
