you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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