I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
