So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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