I'm jealous of your bromance
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
