R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
