This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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