Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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