got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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